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Bride

  • Posted on December 31, 2009 at 6:53 pm

There was a hum
white noise
of human whispers
something she could dismiss
but the sound sighed at her
and she knew it was something more
bigger than herself,
monstrously hushed
by the quick rotation of a fan
quieting, but rushing the voices
ever nearer

She clipped each earring on
and zipped the lace up
along her slender neck
feeling a vulnerability
of which there was no suspect
only her intuition, linked in
heart, mind and belly
yet she was of no resolution
to leave the room just yet

The rustle of her dress
an amplifier of this unknown terror
the voices, the humming
found refuge in her silk
intently, she listened
for now she was the holder
of unknown visitors
to the window she went
lifting it to invite the breeze
hoping desperately
they’d be carried away

Yet instead, the brisk wind
spoke even louder
and brought to life
the silk around her legs
creeping under the hem
pebbling the skin beneath
her pale nude stockings

It wouldn’t be long now
until the whirlwind of murmurs
covered her wedding dress
then the expectations
of her future nature
would become her own

She would need no gown
after the I do’s
the speaking dress
would crawl into her skin
only her mind would be spared
if she did this one thing
so before she went to meet her groom
she left her veil behind.

A sweeter silence.

  • Posted on December 29, 2009 at 4:01 pm

I don’t know how to say this
‘cuz I’m speechless
I’m lucky I can even write it
it’s incredible I can sing it
what you’ve done to me
no other could ever do

It was always so easy
my words like a waterfall
now I struggle with my river
‘cuz all I wanna do
is spend time with you
every moment on paper
every time I say your name
I lose precious few seconds
of that higher state of consciousness
where all that I’m aware of is your love

So please don’t think I’m silent
or incredibly shy
when it comes to you
you are my sun
and I’m your planet
no words need to be said
to show that, by your light
I thrive.

Better I Swear.

  • Posted on November 15, 2009 at 1:36 am

I’m smoking another cigarette
just like the five before
my jacket and tie on the floor
if you were still here
I’d take better care
I swear

when you went away baby
your suitcase just didn’t have clothes
somewhere under your favorite shirt
you stole my heart
and shut it away
the last I saw of it
it was heading the california way

I can’t hate you for
this hole in my chest
lady lonesome
like ghost conductor
taking my train of regrets
straight on through

Please honey
couldn’t you consider it
because I got nothin’ left
just open that suitcase
and pull the window up
doesn’t matter the weather
I know it beats so slow
but it can find a way back

Maybe then
like a blood hound
it will lead me back
to the place
I ought to be

Therapy

  • Posted on November 2, 2009 at 1:45 am

“I messed up again, didn’t I?”

We sat on a grassy island, wrapped by a cold stream.

Keith stretched his legs until his heels almost skimmed the water. “Yeah, a little.”

I drew my legs up to my chest, wrapping my arms around my knees. “I keep taking it out on every one else, and when I’m not, I’m at my own throat.”

He smiled that lazy smile, rolling over onto his back and propping his head up with the palm of his hand. “You know there’s only one person who can judge you. You don’t keep having to weigh your own sins and kindness against one another.”

I rested my face against my forearms, nose tucked into the space of my left elbow. “I haven’t heard Him in a long time. All he does is reach down to earth and pull me away from disaster. Then He’s gone. I’m still without any answer to where I’m supposed to go.”

Keith reached out and wrapped his hand around my golden brown braid. He stroked it down until it ended at the small of my back. “You’re standing in front of yourself.”

The affection only pushed me towards a quiet weeping, tear drops dusting the fine blonde hairs on my arms. “I can’t see beyond myself.”

“Bingo, kiddo. You know you can. Maybe one day you won’t need me anymore. Maybe you won’t need any of us anymore.”

Continue reading ‘Therapy’

Pearl.

  • Posted on October 29, 2009 at 1:28 pm

Pearl touched her fan to her mouth, allowing each fold to pass over her lips. “Well, there’s no helping it then.”

Jasmine scrunched her fingers into her dress and leveled her gaze forward. “I wish there was something I could do.”

The fan snapped shut and touched Pearl’s throat, her smile indulging. “I don’t. This is how you’re meant to be.”

Jasmine felt her cheeks burning and worried the fabric in her hands, “I wish you had warned me about how love is. You gave me so many books with knights, princesses and pleasant endings. Each of them contained a little piece of a dream I wanted.”

Pearl arched her brows and eased back into her chair, folding one long length of her leg over the other. “My dear, there’s nothing I could have taught you about love outside of fiction and fairy tales. You talk to me like I should have warned you, prepared you, or given you instructions on how to experience it.”

“You should have! Maybe then, I wouldn’t have-” she holds a gloved hand just under her mouth, preparing to cover it at any moment. “If I had known I would have run away.”

Pearl closed her eyes.

Jasmine felt a sob building in her throat and swallowed it with a painful grimace. “Now I’m consumed. All I think about is the moment I see him again. I cannot even pin my hair without thinking of how he …”

“Unpinned it.” Pearl finishes.

Jasmine put both hands over her face, her fingers tight together as she covered her eyes, feeling her own breath rolling back against her cheeks. “Please don’t say such vulgar things.”

The chair creaked as Pearl took leave of it, kneeling in front of Jasmine. She began to smooth the wrinkles from the gauzy fabric. “You won’t think of it that way, in time. You’ll learn to appreciate those feelings, regardless of how they seem to have your heart in rough seas.”

Tears ran down Jasmine’s face until they stopped and soaked into her covered palms. “I don’t know what to do next.”

Pearl laid her head against the girl’s trembling knees, “That’s how you know it’s right.”

Coffin.

  • Posted on October 26, 2009 at 12:32 pm

An unsteady light flickered overhead, giving the illusion that the room’s shadows skirted towards her. Her naked feet were icy cold from the tiled floor. The old radiator was covered in a thick blanket of dust. But it didn’t stop her from peeling her shirt upward. It joined the lump of her jacket near her ankles.

In her mouth was pandora’s box, a miniature sliver of a coffin beneath her tongue.

It was all honey when she was untouched. She did so much good. But that didn’t matter now, not in this lonely bathroom. For as much good as she did, the bad always found her. She didn’t know how to do bad. So the box opened and swallowed the vile. The tiger would always eat her, for she was too fearful to crush even an ant in her flight. The coffin swelled when the bad men came.

Continue reading ‘Coffin.’

Paint

  • Posted on October 22, 2009 at 2:56 pm

You think you’re awfully clever
a jack of all trades
chameleon shaded tongue
hobgoblin fingers that only
pluck heartstrings to the tune
only you want to dance too

I’m not wise
but I’m no fool
I know the worst sort of
changelings that there are
steal still beating hearts
because your kind
they aren’t so picky
they’ll take the wounded
the lost
the scared
but what scares you the most
is the brave

I am the chemist
the alchemist
that will be your
ultimate undoing
because I still hold the vial
filled with golden truths
and I will place a drop
in the deceived eyes
riveted on you
and your glittering circus
will become choking dust
that will turn your coat
of garish hues
into the tattered hides
you squirm behind

I am the alchemist
I am the iron sword
I am the black smith
Changeling,
I will win back
What you stole.

Fade

  • Posted on September 13, 2009 at 1:08 am

I put a picture away, I fold up a letter. I cry. I know this is natural, that this is healthy. It’s just something I’ve never done before. My memories wind into my DNA, using those curving ladders and their sparkling seats as home. I don’t know how to undo it, to break it apart and send those feelings flying would be breaking apart my very self. Whatever I am, whoever I am, whatever I’m going to become.

I take a breath and put my head in my hands. I feel my hair slump over my fingers. I’ve reached the two roads and there’s no sign post. There’s no warnings. I can’t just walk straight ahead, there’s a dark gulf between them that I know is bottomless. Sitting at the point is no option either, my choice to remain still would rob the color from my hair and bleach my corneas bone white.

Either way is hard. Either way is perilous. One road welcomes me with willow trees and a path as soft as moss. The other is murky, uncertain of itself, in the space of a blink the curves ahead can twist into unconquerable loops. I’ve never taken the easy way out, that much I know about my character; I also know things have never been easy for me, and my triumphs over the many darknesses that have followed me since my childhood have served to make me resilient.

I know sometimes I step up to the arena to fight a battle that I know I cannot win. I take blow after blow, spitting out blood and teeth for a dream I’m not even optimistic about. I torture myself with the possibilities, I torture myself with what I’ve lost. I’m under the bright lights and I cannot see anything beyond the ropes keeping me inside. I tell myself I don’t need to be rescued: I beg to be rescued. I want to stop this brutality on my soul, I want to crawl away from the kicks battering at my ribs.

I want the path that makes me happy. I want. I want. I never knew I could want. I never knew I could want something for myself. My life has been by proxy, living in the smiles and tears of others. Now my body burns from the inside, calling out for the hand to lift me away from it all. My Lord saved my soul, now I want someone to save my life. I used to feel that it was weak to need, to open up, to use someone’s shoulder when I’m stumbling. I wanted to be the horse that steadfastly carried my loved ones to safe havens, crossing whatever perilous land ahead.

I don’t want to be a means to an end for anyone anymore. I don’t want to be a burden. I don’t want to be a saint. I just want to turn my face up into the autumn wind and not have tears running back towards my temples. I want to stop telling myself I’m alone, spinning away with no tether to the ground. If I am water, then always, I will fall back to earth. I have to remember that.

I want to be the rain that fills someone’s upturned hands. I want to be a precious heat inside of someone’s heart.

I want, I want, I want.

And thank God.

It’s Amazing

  • Posted on September 6, 2009 at 10:07 pm

She sits on the edge of the table, her toes pointed downward. “It’s funny.” her head rolls back, “It’s sad.” now her tongue is touching her left canine. “It’s important.”

With considerable grace she slides from the table, her heels arching high into the air. “They hate you for your strength. Your unpredictability. Everything that you can do and undo. You don’t disappear well. Every box you outgrow.”

Now her fingers slide against calloused palms. “They resent your courage when they cannot move. They fear you because you are fearless.”

Carefully she pushed forward, tipping weight between two bodies. One slid forward. One slid back. “And here you want to shed your wings? You’re mad. Will you cut your talons and file your teeth? You can change everything ahead of you, you can conquer the universe.”

She felt resistance now, knowing that she could never break that balance. So instead, she fell forward into a chest that rose and fell ever so evenly. “Don’t let them tar and feather you. Don’t let their hateful labels stick. No one that loves you would want to push you to the ground. No one that cares for you would cut you just to see you bleed.”

“Run as hard and as fast as you can into the light. Let the water split beneath your feet and leave a hot mist behind you so they can never see where you go. Stop looking at them, their eyes are ivy around your feet. Don’t give up. You’re good. Please don’t ever give up.”

Water cut her across the face as she fell backward, shielding her eyes as the splash scattered blue gems. She felt a great wake in the air and stared over her shoulder.

“Keep moving, dear one, I’ve passed the torch to you.”

Waterfall

  • Posted on September 2, 2009 at 12:05 pm

Mary pushed her hands down on Luke’s head, squeezing her fingertips down in a drum-like rhythm. “Come on! We’ve got to get closer, I want to see the fireworks go over the bridge.”

“Oof.” He adjusted his balance and shuffled through the tightly packed audience. “Quit grabbing my hair.”

Mary grinned wildly and squeezed her legs until her heels nipped in at his ribs, “Ya!”

Luke pursed his lips and drew them to the left. “I am not a horse.”

“You’re right. You’re more like a bull. Charge!” she rocked with impatience, the movement jarring her short hair along her jaw.

He gripped her calves and edged closer still to the railing. Luke took the annoyed stares of the jostled in stride. A crazy woman was driving him, what could he do?

Mary released his hair and drew deeply of the night air, the delightful smell of spent fireworks heavy in the July heat. “Oh wow. We’re gonna be able to see everything.” when Luke didn’t answer, she continued on. “I’ve always wanted to see this. The last time we were in the back of a truck, remember? It was so weird. We were all crushed together but ..”

Continue reading ‘Waterfall’